What a Weiner!

Yet another well known figure is exposed, excuse the expression!
For more than a week, my mind has wondered to Wiener's wife and family. What kind of man is it, that acts out like this and does not consider how his actions will affect those around him?
If you marry someone and it's not working for you, have the decency to divorce them before you play around. If you ever loved them, give them that respect.
To compound matters, Wiener tries to lie his way out of it. Once caught, man up and admit it! This goes for all the women out there that want to stray. If God's commandments don't stop you, maybe common decency can!

Wiener's wife now seems him for the lying adulterer that he is. What is Mrs. Wiener suppose to do now. Can you imagine the pain, hurt and betrayal? She's pregnant for goodness sake! How is she suppose to cope? The embarrassment alone would be enough,
She is the part of the story that weighs on my heart and mind so heavily. She is the one who's name is uttered in my prayers.

What about the young women who received the pictures and sexting? Why didn't they tell him to stop the second they received the first inappropriate communication from a man they didn't know? What has society come too, that so many women didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with this stranger sexting them???
Seems that not only common sense has died, but his cousin common decency is gasping her last breath.
We need action!! We need to raise our sons and daughters with morals and values. We need to PRAY for this country and world. PRAYER is really the only answer.
please pray!!

Racism: How will it ever end?

If this country is ever going to get over racism everybody needs to turn away from it. Choose to see all people as brothers and sisters in Christ!
Jesus Christ died for all of mankind. ALL PEOPLE!!! ALL. Get it??? He made ever color, race and creed.. All the people of the world. Buddists, Baptist, Catholics and Muslim He made us all. If you are a Christian, you can't also be racist. Always remember, What would Jesus Do? If not that, What would a nice person do?

Happy Easter!

As Easter comes on tomorrow's dawn I am reminded of what price was paid for me!
Easter reminds us of Jesus Christ's victory over death. His resurrection symbolizes the eternal life that is granted to all who believe in Him and is the complete verification of all that Jesus preached and taught. His resurrection gave final and irrefutable proof that He was really the Son of God and that He had conquered death once and for all.
May Easter bring renewal to those who yearn for a closer walk.

Too Blessed to be Stressed!

A dear friend insists that I am stressed out and wants "the old Cathy back" I wasn't feeling stressed till he said this! I didn't know there was an" old Cathy" who "had fun and joked around" For the record I am much too blessed to be stressed at the moment. Maybe I should be worried about stuff right now but I'm not.

That's not to say there are not things that could easily be stressful in my life. But being stressed and upset is a choice. A CHOICE! I chose how I respond to things that happen in my life. I make life happen, it doesn't happen to me. Big difference!!

Want to know a secret? If you choose to count your blessings and look at life positively, things that others might find stressful you can see the blessing in.

Work has been a challenge this year. For every step I make forward, I feel like I am pushed 3 steps back. More parents have me on speed dial than ever before. I talk to them regularly and never remember to record the contact which is part of my job. Sometimes I just pray to get through to a kid, get through the day, get past the moment when it seems all hope is gone. But faith brings me through..... Former students and their parents have popped up to tell me that I am loved and missed, that I made a difference.... I will focus on that!!
Home is full of love, laughter and 11 people, 7 of them are kids! 8 cats, 5 dogs, laundry, dishes, cooking....But love and respect for each other and faith in God makes it such a blessing!
I chose to be open to the blessings that God has for me. I praise his mercy for me when I falter, and appreciate the grace he gives unwarranted to me. I thank God for my husband, family and friends. I am blessed.
May you be open to seeing the many blessings God has bestowed on you. You will never see them if you swim in the muck of life and wallow in sorrows. Chose to see the Good. Chose to see the hand of God!

Make it, don't fake it!

So.... What's your attitude like? How do you respond when life just seems to keep piling it on? Do you whine, complain and tell any who will listen how unfair life is?
Henry Ford is quoted as saying" If you think you can, or you can't; you're right." It can also be said that "What you think, is what you become"
Do you really want to be the person that people see coming and they say, "Lord, here comes so and so, she is so negative!" People like to hang around with people who fill their bucket. People who make them feel good about themselves. Negative people just seem to make the burdens of life harder to bare.
Life is hard and can be "unfair" So what? Get over it!
Getting over it is harder to do than say, but there are ways to do it. You can do it! You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to be a more positive person.

I highly recommend the "fake it, till you make it" way.
Thought patterns that you have nurtured for all your life don't magically go away because you want them too. It takes time and work. Sometimes though you really need to change your attitude and behavior before you manage to change your mind and heart. That is were "fake it, till you make it comes in."

Imagine that your husband has been a real jerk and now he is making an honest attempt to redeem himself. You would like to be forgiving but your hearts not there. Acting kind and thoughtful even when you don't feel like it, will change your heart. Attempt one act of kindness towards your spouse without any expectation for pro quo once a day. You will be amazed that your heart will soon follow.

These ideas aren't new. In a book called "Getting the Love you Want: A guide for couples" There are wonderful suggestions for creating a marriage that is fulfilling for both of you. Of course,
just look in the bible and you see the example of Christ. The bible is an excellent source of information on how to live a happy and fulfilled life!
For teachers who work with very difficult students "fake it, till you make it" works as well, Imagine that there is a child who makes you completely insane! This child is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard...the sound of this child's voice makes you want to wrap you hands around their neck...... (We've all been there.)
You know that you can't respond in a negative way but it's so hard!
So you smile, trying to make it not look like you are grimacing. You are unsuccessful and the child can sense you don't like them and this makes them insecure and creates even more of a problem.

A remedy? Smile as you silently pray for patience. Focus on the child's face right between the eyes, nod you head a few times when they are going on about something you could care less about and continue to pray for love and compassion for them. Ask God and he will change your heart. God has given us his word on that. We can rely on his promises.
Soon you will find that you are listening, that you genuinely care and the child will know it too.
Guard your mind against negative thoughts, guard your tongue from negative speech. Focus on what is positive in your life. Write it down if you need to in a journal, that you can look back at when times are rough. God made us in his image and wants a relationship with you. Put those at the top of your list!

The Myth of Marriage

The Myth of Marriage

Most people get married believing in a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of things that we have longed for; love, companionship, sexual fulfillment, intimacy, and friendship.
The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take something out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people and it is the people that put love in a marriage. There is not romance in marriage. Couples must infuse romance into their marriages. A couple must learn the art and form and merit of giving, loving and serving. In other words the couple must learn to keep the box full. If you take out more that you put in, the box will be empty. If you stay close to God, you will always remember to keep the box full.

What do a lot of people we meet in our daily lives put into their box? They place resentment into the box. They do not talk about their needs, they don’t explain how things make them feel,. They expect their spouse to divine their thoughts and feelings. The spouses actions in many instances are considered to be a slight against them. “He’s/She’s supposed to know what I need, I shouldn’t have to tell him/her!” is the mantra of these people.

They use the box to file away all of the grievances they have with their spouse and use it as an arsenal to blind-side them with when they do something else that does not please them. No incident is too small to be considered a grievous act against them.

They fill the box with hurt feelings anger and unanswered needs.

Marriage that fill their box with all of this negativity become filled with weeds that if left unchecked block out the sun and the marriage dies a painful and needless death.
When the box becomes filled with these kinds of negative interactions, Chances are that it would be difficult for the couple to empty it and replace it with the positives. So what to do to prevent this build up in the first place?

Marriage Encounter can help a couple refocus when the everyday demands take our attention away. You learn a way to communicate that can help you achieve amazing results in your marriage.

Marriage is work. It takes effort to have a good one. Often it takes effort to have a bad one as well. Why are people so willing to put all the effort into the negative? The answer is easy people are generally selfish, self-centered, and self righteous. They think only of themselves and what they perceive as being done to them, always blaming others for their choices, reactions and feelings. Truth be told many people like to play the victim. They like to be unhappy, it’s safe.

The Serenity Prayer can help us in our marriages and help us to understand and make good decisions on what we are putting into our box.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Change the thing I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I can only change things about me. If I don’t like my behavior, or even my dress size I must change them or realize I’ve made a choice, conscious or otherwise not too. No one is responsible for the decisions I make about my body. No one can make me feel bad or good, these are choices I make.
When I am angry at my spouse I have chosen to be angry, I can chose just as easily not to be. (Granted It takes practice when I have behaved certain ways for my lifetime and them decide to change) .
When my spouse does something and my feelings are hurt, I have chosen to be hurt.
I can not change my spouses behavior, I can not change the fact that the way he throws clothes next to a perfectly good hamper instead of inside. I can not change his character and make him a better person. I can not change all those little annoyances that I allow to drive me up the wall.
NO AMOUNT OF NAGGING will change the situation in any pleasant and permanent way. I can discuss my feelings. “I” statements instead of “you” statements often help here. If our spouse does not feel that they need to change their behavior, or do not make an effort to change their behavior there is nothing that can change that. Our spouse is responsible for themselves and their behavior.
So what is to be done when the spouse will not change. Let is go, pick up the laundry or what ever it is. If it is big, like having an affair, take care of yourself. Talk to your priest, see a therapist, protect yourself and make decisions for your life.






How do I fill it with the good stuff?

First we must understand that love is a choice. Our actions are chosen by us. Only then can we work at our marriage and make the changes we need to improve our marriage
.
The effort must be made by both spouses. The couple must discuss this concept with their spouse so that they have an understanding of where their partner is coming from. The couple must discuss ways in which they can fill the box with all of the things they want out of their marriage. They must agree to both work at the goals they have set.

Couples must have mutual love and respect for each other. Even at times when the feelings are not there the actions that are consistent with those feelings should be. .. Actions can translate into the feeling. Having a bad day? Smile! You day will improve I promise you. This works in reverse as well. If you get into negative conversations with people about their spouse on a consistent basis you will begin to think of and have more negative feelings about your spouse. Being in an environment that encourages you to bad mouth you spouse and dwell on their less than stellar qualities is poison to a marriage.

When interacting with your spouse you should defiantly remember the saying, “treat other’s as you would have them treat you”. You do not want to be criticized, nagged, and abused mentally, emotionally, or physically.
Always keep in the front of your mind your spouses good qualities. Surly he has some. When you are tempted to be angry remember that this is a person you love, treat them with love.

Do a loving behavior everyday. A book called “Getting the love you want, and keeping it” Has one of the best ideas. This exercise can be done by the couple. Each day do something for your spouse that is a loving action. Don’t do what you want you spouse to do for you. Do something that you know your spouse likes even if it’s not really in your nature. Do this thing intent on doing it the best you can for the person you love. How about a love note tucked into a lunch bag or brief case?. How about flowers for just the heck of it? How about a back rub or just trying to sit down and listen to our spouse about their day? These actions are gifts that we give our spouse even when we don’t feel like it that will foster intimacy over time.
Be aware of your spouses needs and try to accommodate them as best you can. If your spouse needs down time when he gets home give it to him with a hug and a kiss and a smile on your face.
If you know that your wife needs help with getting dinner on the table, take your time to unwind a bit and then find our what needs to be done to get dinner to the table. Tell you spouse that after the kids are in bed you will need some more time to just relax.

Put the kids in bed by 8 so you have time alone with your spouse. If the dishes aren’t clean, the laundry is on the couch, the bathroom is growing God only knows in the bathtub; just leave it. The chores will be there tomorrow. Will your spouse be?

Go out with your spouse on date night. Wear your best and look your best like you did when you where dating. Take turn planning the night out.

Develop hobbies or things that interest you as a couple.

Do not dwell on the annoying or tedius in your relationship. Always keep your mind and your heart in a loving place when interacting with your spouse.

Can you think of other ways to add good things to your box?

Perspective

Perspective is a perplexing concept. The definition is the appearance of things relative to one another as determined by their distance from the viewer. By definition we all have our own perspective. Perspective results from our experiences in life, what we have been taught by others (often without question) and how the thing we are looking at impacts our life personally.

Perspective on BP in the gulf. I see it as a tragic accident (an unfortunate mishap; especially one causing damage or injury) BP did not intentionally cause the accident and is not at fault (blame: put or pin the blame on) They are responsible for doing everything they can to clean up the spill and plug the break.
Listening to the President today he blames BP for the accident, he seems to imply that they knowingly did something wrong and are intentionally not doing everything they can to fix it. But in the same breath says that the federal government is in charge, and has been since the beginning. Of course that is my perspective. This is what I hear when I filter his words through the filter of my perspective.

Perspective on race relations. I read a blog called "We are respectable Negros". I do not see myself in what they write. I do not see my friends in what they said. I read it because I know my perspective is about me and only me and I would like to understand other peoples perspectives.

I want desperately to bridge the huge gulf of prejudice that separates me from some of my kids at school. Wonderful children who come to me and believe that I don't like them because of their color. Precious children who don't have a chance because they believe a majority of the world hates them. Do I blame their parents for this view? the world? I don't blame anyone, I just cry inside for what it does to our kids.

Every year I just sit down with all the classes and talk about it. I have had children Hispanic and Black tell me that they believe that white people don't like them.... So sad.... I agree that there are people like that in the world and I tell them I am sorry. I also tell them that not everyone is that way and I am not that way.

This year a little boy said that he believes I don't like him because of his color. I asked him why. "Because you're always getting on me". The other kids were shocked that he was honest and I told them that being honest is a good thing. We need to talk about it and I needed them to be mature and listen to the conversation. I then looked at the young man and said. "Do you really want the answer here in class, or in private"? He said here and I told him; I picked up the behavior checklist that we keep for classes and I addressed his behavior from that week. I asked if we had rules about certain things he had done. I asked him if I had given him warnings. To both questions he answered "yes." Then I chose a Hispanic boy int the class that sits near him and asked him if he thought I ever treated him badly. I asked the same question about a Black girl and a white boy. To all three he said no. Then I asked him why he thought then, that I picked on him because of his color but not on all these other children. He thought about it for a time and said. "I don't do what I'm suppose to". "Bingo", I said. I'm the teacher and it is my job to make sure everyone follows the rules so we can all have a safe place to learn.

For the next month I would ask him in private if he understood why I had called him out for his behavior when he would misbehave. He says he does. We hug now and we play around sometimes. He seems happier in class and I think he learned a valuable lesson and his perspective will be different from now on. He is just one... I have 50 more......

How do we go about changing a person or peoples perspective? How can we encourage people to stop listening to all the crap that people say and go out and learn about an issue. These are the thoughts that play over and over in my head.

That is my two cents. Always from my perspective of course. Lead by the belief that I should love my neighbor as myself.