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I can't begin to tell you how many thoughts buzz around my head that I think "wow I'd like to give someone my two cents about ...." Thus the name of this blog came to be.
So many people see my husband and I together and actually make comments about how happy we look, or ask us how long we've been married, often thinking we are newly weds. Truth is we have been together for 20 years, 17 of those married. What seems to make us unique is that we chose to be happily married.
I love my husband and he loves me. We are best friends. We enjoy spending time together. We chose to love each other. We make a conscious decision to love the other person. We agree to not put the other person down. We chose to focus on the good. We chose to be commited to each other. We do not disrespect each other, we try to understand the other person, we try to accept where the other person is coming from. We chose to be supportive and loving even during times of stress.
If I complained about my husbands bad habits or characteristics to all my friends I would be making those minor things into huge mountains.
True story: I started a Mom's group in Austin and spent two mornings a week at a local park with them and their children. Some of the mom's were real put off that I had nothing but wonderful things to say about my husband. They would whine and complain about things their husbands would or wouldn't do. The worst complainers got a little snippy about my lack of complaint and insinuated that I must be holding out.. That experience has stuck with me (those friends, not so much) It is difficult to listen to people whine and complain and not give them my two cents. These women were unhappy but they exacerbated the problem by focusing on it. By focusing on what their husband did or didn't do, they were unable to see and appreciate all the things these men did do. They made themselves unhappy.
Marriage may have an 'i' in it, but it is not about I. Marriage is about "we". A person cannot be self absorbed and focused on only their wants and needs. Married people need to focus on what "we" want and need. Does everyone what and need the same things? Of course not. But in marriage there must be compromise. In marriage there must be some common goals as the foundation to build on. As Russell's spouse I need to support his dreams and ambitions. I love the man and know that his dreams and ambitions would never be counter to "we".
We bought a house in The Woodlands Texas right after we got married and moved in two day's before my 27Th birthday. I loved that home, I would walk or ride the trails 10 or more miles a day. I had amazing friends and my son walked down a trail through the woods and past a park to get to school. My sister-in-law was right nearby with a child close to my son's age. When little girls dream of their ideal "happily ever after" this surely was it.
Two years later I discovered I was pregnant with Julie. What wonderful news! I had plans of converting the guest room into the nursery. I would be surrounded by family and friends when the little miracle arrived. Life could not have been more perfect.
A few weeks later Russell accepted a job in Austin Texas. Russell had wonderful childhood memories of the place and was excited to go back. It was sad to leave my home with all it's memories, plans, and friends. But Russell was not happy at his job, he wanted more challenge and the new job would not require an hour and a half commute and came with better pay.
This was a no brainer. Move to Austin with the love of my life who would travel 12 miles to work instead of 40. He would leave the house later and get home earlier. We both love the outdoors and Austin offered alot of neat things to do. Move to Austin with my best friend and start a new adventure. I could have focused on all I was losing and whined and complained but I made a choice.
Later the tables turned. I desperately wanted out of the city. I loved walking town lake with my babies, I loved Barton Springs and all the wonderful outdoor things Austin offered. After the birth of our 4Th child however, I started to want to till up the Saint Augustine grass and plant veggies. I wanted open spaces, I wanted to grow my own food, raise my own poultry and beef. I was tired of A.I.S.D. and wanted a smaller more personal school district. Russell had never spent time in the country and had many, many, many reservations about raising the three girls in a hick town. The price of rural land near Austin was astronomical.
I prayed and prayed for a rural life style and God in his amazing grace lead Russell to apply to a coal fire power plant out in a place called Carlos Texas. Russell took the job and has adapted to the country life. He misses the conveniences offered by living in a city. It takes us 30 minutes to get to a grocery store or a hardware store. He misses going out to eat as often. He knows that I love it here. I have more good friends here that I had when I lived elbow to elbow with people in a subdivision. We have a close knit church family that cares and prays for us. We even have a closer walk with our Lord Jesus Christ here.
Marriages that work, do so because the couple chooses it to be that way. Marriages work best when we are not focused inwardly but outwardly on our marriage. Couples who build each other up and treat each other with kindness and respect have marriages that work. Marriages that have Jesus work. In Corinthians 13:1-13 is the poem of love that is so often quoted. Marriage's that work don't quote it, they live it.
